Black Holes

I started writing this on Thursday and then life happened. So, I just got back to it this morning when I had a second to breathe. 

It just hit me today… Two weeks from today I will be undergoing surgery!!! AHHHHH! Where has time gone?! Anxiety and fears have started to sink in and my nerves are fairly shot. I can't remember if I've already said this in a prior blog, but I am undergoing an Ovarian Wedge Resection. These surgeries were common for a very long time until birth control became the band aid for reproductive issues such as endometriosis, Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, long cycles, irregular cycles, polyps, and many others. 

I’m actually fairly excited about this surgery. I’m ready to be fixed. I’m ready to not have awful periods and abnormal cycles. Case in point… Currently I’m on day 41 of my cycle and I had a menses of 25 days. God bless my husband. Last cycle went to 46 days. I’m so over this and ready for this to be over!  See? Surgery needed.

Over the last week I’ve had a few preliminary tests ran due to my 25 day period. I had blood work done last week and then an ultrasound yesterday. Special shout out of thanks to my husband for blurting out “WHY DOES SHE HAVE THOSE BLACK HOLES ON HER UTERUS?!” -_- That was  followed up by the sonographer with a “Don’t say that to her! So ma’am, you said you haven’t had any surgeries at all?” So yay for black holes now. However, my ovaries looked a little better... I think! It didn't look like there were that many overgrown follicles like there were at the last ultrasound. Paleo may be doing something right! 

I ask for prayers for the ‘black holes’ of my uterus. I’m wondering if it’s endometriosis. We shall find out soon enough. I ask for prayers for the strength for this surgery and for patience for my husband. He gets nervous and awkward when it comes to my health. I ask for prayers for continued peace. I hadn’t realized how much I had come to terms with my infertility until I was reminded of it last night – in a good way though!!! Last night I received a text message from one of my closest friends who has been by my side the last four years and who has said countless prayers for us. She texted a link to this blog….. Take a second, read, cry, then come back. 

Done crying? After I finished ugly crying when I read it I then realized that I’m pretty blessed and it’s taken a few years but I know that we aren’t that couple anymore. We know our friends see us, and we know they pray for us. It’s such a blessing to have.  Thank you friends. It's hard to get past that point of thinking, but it's possible. It takes prayer, sadness, happiness, a great spouse, great friends, and above all else, Jesus Christ. And perhaps a few cocktails in between... see below.

UPDATE:

I got the results from my ultrasound yesterday. The ‘black hole’ my husband saw on the screen, the radiologist saw too. It turned out to be a fibroid on my uterus. Along with that I now have cysts on my ovaries and not just inside. So… thank God for surgery, huh? 

I didn’t receive the news as gracefully as I would have liked. My faith was shot and my immediate response was “well, since my womb is such a hostile environment, maybe I’m not meant for this.” I haven’t thought that in a very long time. Thankfully through the grace, pep talks, and cocktails from my friends and most especially my wonderful husband, I woke up feeling better today. 

Must keep in mind... "'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." Jer. 29:11